1.Comedian[to a stranger]:Hey you, what's up?

Stranger: The roof![all laughs]

Comedian[laughs]: Where are you from?

Stranger: I'm from Earth! [all starts to laugh]

Comedian: Nice one. OK, who are you?

Stranger: A human [all laughs]

Comedian: Did I say that you are pig?I know that you are a human...

Stranger: Then why did you ask that?

Comedian: No more jokes

Stranger: That wasn't a joke

Comedian: OK, leave that

Stranger: Leave what?

Comedian: That topic

Stranger: I'm not holding that[all laughs]

Comedian[angrily]:I'm done with you

Stranger[in a awkward way]: I didn't do anything with you[all laughs]

Comedian[very mad]:I quit this job![leaves the stage]

2. How can you call a bear that does not have an ear?  

     Ans:  B!

3. A fish said to other fish that we cannot drive this thing. The other fish said why? The fish's reply was, 'because we are in a tank.'

4. A postman: excuse me, can you tell where the club house is?

Man: opposite to my house.

Postman: where is your house?

Man: opposite to the clubhouse.

Postman{angry}: where is your house and the clubhouse?

Man: right opposite to each other.

5. Greg: Manny, can you get my T-shirt?

Manny: okay.  After 15 minutes.

Manny gets the T-shirt.

Greg: why there is TEA in the SHIRT?

Manny: you only asked for TEA-SHIRT.

Greg: ?

6. A man carried his radio to the toilet, when he came out his friend asked ‘did you enjoy?’ he replies ‘what bloody enjoy?’ friend says ‘they put the national anthem, stand up!’’

7. Police: how did the helicopter crash?

Man: when we went on top of the Himalaya, it was very cold, so I switched OFF the fan of the helicopter!

8. Two terrorist were having a discussion in a hotel. The waiter asks them ‘what the discussion is about?’ terrorist: we are planning to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey waiter; why a donkey? Then one terrorist tells to another: see I told you nobody cares about 14 thousand people!



9. A Chinese couple named their 1st baby Ching-Chong-Fong 2nd Chang-Ching-Kong 3rd was a Negro they name him as Some-Thing-Wrong!



10. MR. Bean and his wife were drinking coffee in a restaurant.

MR. Bean: drink fast wife: why Bean; because look there it says "hot coffee $15 cold coffee $30."



11. Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

A. "Is that you mommy?"



12. Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?

A. Cell phones.



13. Q. Where do bees go to the bathroom?

A. At the BP station!



14. Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?

A. They don't have the guts



15. Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

A. Dam!



16. Funny saying: 

       1"Will U Hang That Calendar Or Else I'll HANG MYSELF"

        2"Tomorrow Call Ur Parents Especially Mother And Father"

        3"I Have 3 Daughters, All Are Girls."

        4"Go and understand that tree."



17. Brilliant Answers by a Student who got 0% Marks..

        Q.1- In which battle did Tipu Sultan{Indian ruler} Died ?..
        Ans.- In his Last Battle..

        Q.2- Where was the Declaration of Independence            Signed ?..
       Ans.- At the Bottom of the Page..

       Q.3- What is the Main Reason for Divorce ?..
       Ans.- Marriage..

       Q.4- Ganga{river in India} Flows in which State ?..
       Ans.- Liquid State..

       Q.5- When was Mahatma Gandhi{father of India} Born ?..
       Ans.- On His Birthday..

       Q.6- How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6    People ?..
 

       Ans.- By Preparing Mango Shake. 

 

39. Yestarday I changed my Wi-Fi name to "Hack if you can" and when I woke up this morning, it was "Challenge accepted"